quinn_pro_quo | (no subject)

(no subject)

Quinn had spent some time at Francis' place already now, so she easily made herself at home again when she was brought back over. She knew at some point he was going to ask for her help. She knew that whatever was going on in his head, it wasn't stable enough and it wasn't that easy to work with. She hoped that she could help him out and make everything settle more firmly into place. She couldn't promise that it would work though. They could only work on it and see how it went.

She had, of course, immediately flopped herself down on his couch, arm across the back of the couch like she owned the place. She loved this apartment. It was chic and gorgeous and airy and had an amazing view. Darcy's place was boring and boring and really fucking boring. Maybe Quinn was simply bored, but it was easier to blame it on her sister.

"How do you want to do this, sunshine?" she asked from where she was sitting, head back.

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Once she was out he slumped, letting himself topple to the side to lie down, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. "For once it's pretty quiet in there," he mumbled half to her and half to himself. It hurt and he felt drained and beat-up, but he was smiling. "An aspirin and some water would be nice, though."

She never saw someone quite as strong as he was. He could take a beating and then work through it like it was nothing. He had a lot to deal with and yet he was just doing his thing and making it work and being optimistic about it.

Quinn patted his leg and got up. Having helped him put things away she knew where everything was and grabbed a glass of water and a couple pills. Instead of sitting beside him like she had before, Quinn crouched in front of him holding the glass and pills in one hand and tentatively reached out to brush her hand through his hair. "You okay?"

He opened an eye to look at her when she brushed her fingers through his hair. "It hurts like hell," he confessed, because it did. In fact, it hurt enough to make him sweat and make his eyes tear up. But he was still smiling. "But it still feels better."

He pushed himself up a bit to swallow a couple of pills and wash them down with a few deeps gulps of water, after which he slumped back down again. "I'm just gonna lie here for a bit."

She watched him for a moment. Quinn didn't get sentimental or even let herself be very attached to people, so it was strange to her that he was bringing out all these feelings of wanting to be protective and help him. She decided that was enough feeling for her today and pull back, setting the glass of water on the table and standing.

"Okay," she murmured, standing up and going to stare out the window for a minute. She had a headache herself now that she thought about it. Quinn folded her arms over her chest, feeling a weight on her shoulders that she hadn't noticed before. She was trying her best to ignore it.

Sleeping was impossible with this kind of headache, but he did manage to zone out a bit, curled up on the couch with his arms folded over his head. It was a lot like dealing with a migraine.

An hour or so later he felt better, good enough to rejoin the world of the living, so to speak. He gingerly pushed himself up on his elbows, looking around. Where was Quinn? Was she still there?

She'd only migrated just outside onto the balcony again. She was sitting, legs curled up on the chair and staring out at the view, eyes vacant. She did this a lot lately. She used to do that all the time when she was in a group home. Nothing worked and nothing felt right, so she spent all her time staring, mind wandering through nothing. It was miserable, quite frankly.

So, that was where he'd find her. Just as vacant as before.

He saw her through the windows, curled up on one of the chairs out on the balcony. He got up and wandered out there, a bit unsteady and feeling much like he was dealing with a hangover.

"Hey." He leaned against the doorpost, facing her way. "How are you feeling?"

It took a second for her to pull herself out of that thought, or lack of, eyes coming into focus and trying to remember what it felt like to be ready to answer people when they asked her something. It was only when things were quiet like this that she couldn't get herself together as quickly.

"Fine," she managed, looking back at where the voice was coming from, "you?"

She didn't look fine. She looked almost... lost?

"Infinitely better," he said. "I'm about five second away from giving you a hug." Though right now he wasn't sure if that would be welcome or not. So he held back, watching her and trying get a sense of where she was, her state of mind. She was not fine.

And she wasn't going to talk about it, so he should just move on. She could feel it in him and so she instead turned back to the view and kept herself just as curled up as before, trying to make herself comfortable and relax. Her mind wanted to wander though. Maybe helping him like that had been a little more than she could handle yet.

No, a hug was not appropriate right now. Instead he moved to her side and sat down on the floor, legs crossed. Silent for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?" He eventually asked. He would ask once, wouldn't try to drag whatever it was out of her.

He sat down beside her but on the floor and when he asked, she smiled, even if it looked more painful than appreciative. Glancing down at him, she took a breath and shook her head, "There's not really much to say about it."

That was the understatement of the year. There was plenty to say about it. She was lost and she felt hopeless and she didn't know where she fit in anymore and she wished she could have simply disappeared instead.

There was obviously things to say. Her whole posture, the look in her eyes screamed that there was. But maybe she wasn't ready to talk, and he could respect that. "Whenever you want to, I'll listen," he simply said. "Do you want to be alone?"

She did appreciate that he would offer and that he wanted to listen, because she believed that he actually did. Before they managed to help Francis, she'd be on her own, the only one who knew what it was like to be trapped. She couldn't talk to Darcy or Ford or Casper because none of them actually understood it and now that she had someone to talk to, she couldn't make sense of it.

"No," she said, answering faster than she meant to, "No, I... no. I don't like being alone much."

"Then you don't have to be," he said, calmly. But it was a situation of give and take, he felt. He couldn't help her unless she let him in. If she didn't talk, then he couldn't understand.

She wasn't ready. She didn't know when she'd be ready or if she'd be ready, but she wasn't ready and she didn't have to be. At least she felt that she didn't have to be. She could take her time and she did need that.

Quinn wiped her eyes as discretely as she could, the tears pooling there and threatening to fall. She didn't want that. She wasn't the weak girl that had a crappy life and bad things happen. She didn't let herself.

"Thanks," she murmured.

He would push eventually, but not today. Today he let the silence fall, and just stayed with her. And it gave him more time to rest his own head, and the fresh air was doing him good.

If he pushed, she'd break and she was pretty sure that he was the only person that she would break in front of. That scared her more than anything. She couldn't open up to anyone else because no one would understand it and there was that small place in her that believed that he wouldn't understand either.

The world was made of noise, though up there they were fainter. Traffic from down below, people. The wind. Birds. And nothing from either of them. Nothing ore than breathing.

He didn't know how to help her, though he felt like he should. Following an impulse, he leaned to the side a bit and rested his head lightly against her thigh. "Thank you," he said quietly. No hug, but at least a show of gratitude. She deserved that at the very least.

The gesture of him leaning against her thigh was so strongly related to the memory of him hen he'd come to her in the midst of doing a puzzle that she had to bite her lip to keep from letting out a shuddering breath.

Quinn waited a second before reaching out and again, brushing her hand gently over his hair, "you're welcome." God, she did not get sentimental! She didn't. She couldn't. She didn't want to. It was weird and hard and it made her feel and she didn't like feeling.

He didn't even think about that similarity. But then he didn't have any recollection about that time when he had put his head in his lap. He had just been told about it.

Again the silence fell as he waited and hoped that she would start talking. She seemed to need it.

She could talk. She probably should. It might help her out if she did, but if she talked then things would get complicated and real and what if he didn't really want to hear it, but oh God she was going to start crying.

Quinn rolled her head back as if that would stop the tears from falling, trying to find some way to combat gravity, but it wasn't easy and she hated herself for feeling this way.

"You know that when you get back to being yourself that you want to continue working?" she asked. Maybe she could ease into it.

He listened to the tone of her voice as much as to the words themselves, but so far he couldn't read between the lines. "To some extent, yes, I want to work. Probably not as I used to, but I want to do something," he answered her.

"And you know you'll be able to? I mean, you'll fit in and just do it..." she said, her voice trailing off after a moment. She wasn't sure what she was getting at. This wasn't easy and she hated that she couldn't simply make the best of it. Why couldn't she make sense of what she was trying to do?

"You don't think you'll be lost trying to fit back in?"

He spent a moment giving that some thought before answering. "I don't even know what I might be able to do yet," he started. "But... Yes, I think I will be. At first." And he had a feeling that he would be stuck with a new reputation from now on. There's Francis Miller, once a really strong guy who was turned into a nutter and is now basically crippled. Unless he did make a full recovery.

"The world didn't stop to wait for me." Or her. But he didn't say that. "It changed. And I guess I changed too, but not along with my corner of the world. So in that sense, yes, I am lost."